I met Tayo Aderinokun for the very first time in January 1995. I was in a borrowed cream linen suit waiting to be interviewed by Guaranty Trust Bank’s Deputy Managing Director. In preparing for the interview, I tried to find all I could about the bank, about its founders and hoped I would do well enough to get the job. When I eventually got a chance to meet him, he was a mere mortal; his voice was quiet and tinged with a softness that belied his authority, position and strength of character. He only asked one question which to this day I’m not sure I answered satisfactorily, but I got the job and was posted to their Port Harcourt branch.
Working in Port Harcourt did not afford me the opportunity to interact with the executive management on a day to day basis, but the bank was small at the time and we all knew and interacted with one another via carefully orchestrated meetings and get-togethers. I vividly remember one time Tayo (Uncle T) as we all called him came to visit the Port Harcourt office. I was quite busy that day running around more than usual perhaps to impress upon him what a good hardworking staff I was. Surprisingly, at some point he came over to my desk to ask if I ever took a break. We got talking and discovered a shared love for books which led to a firm enduring friendship.
Thereafter, whenever I was in the Lagos office, I would visit his office and leave with an armload of books on all topics. After seeing his library, I formed the habit of buying books for myself as well. Our interests covered a wide range of topics from poetry to drama, politics and history. Nothing was left out, if it was printed we wanted to read it.
As I got to know him better, I discovered that Uncle T loved chocolates but alas that was a passion I did not share. Whenever I thought of sending him a gift to say thank you for the kindness he often shared, a box of chocolates always came in handy.
I learnt many things from Uncle T; I learnt to read, to write and to appreciate art and literature. I learnt to be myself and be comfortable in my own skin – Uncle T didn’t think twice about settling down to eat ‘boli and groundnut’ if that was what he felt like eating. It didn’t matter that the bank had quadrupled in size, he was so comfortable being himself.
I learnt from him what it meant to be a faithful friend; when I took my problems to him, he didn’t mince words telling me where I had gone wrong or hold back on scolding, but that done he always put out his resources to help in any way he could. At some point, I thought I was some special person and the only recipient of Tayo’s kindness, but it didn’t take long to realize that Uncle T had so many special people, his knack for making each one of us feel we were the only ones was just his brand.
I learnt to be thorough in doing my work and to be organized, ensuring each day that I left my desk clean. I didn’t want him to hear negative reports about me and my escapades in Port Harcourt and even if he did, I wanted him to see that I had done my best.
He was my mentor in many ways; teaching and constantly encouraging me to do the very best I could. His methods were not always appreciated but his intentions were always good. He was my brother; beyond work he got to know my husband and children, noting and celebrating each new addition to the family. He was my friend; sometimes just for laughs we would sit through his ribald jokes and share ours as well.
Today, I celebrate the privilege of meeting him and the gift of knowing him and being a part of his world.
Tayo, adieu. We miss you.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
MY EARLY MORNING ENCOUNTER
A few days back, I asked participants at a training programme to appraise each other on certain variables, one of which was Integrity. This process elicited an argument which we debated for a few minutes and thereafter got me thinking. Some people felt that Integrity could not be put on a spectrum of 1 to 10; they argue that you either had it or didn’t which meant you scored 10 or zero. The other camp felt that Integrity of an individual or institution could be measured year on year, for instance you could score 6 this year and hopefully next year get better and score 8. Which do you think is right?
What exactly is Integrity? Simply put, the dictionary defines it as honesty. Going further, Wikipedia says “The word integrity stems from the Latin adjective ‘integer’ which means whole or complete. In this context, integrity is an inner sense of wholeness deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such one may judge that others have integrity to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.”
So judge yourself. Do you have integrity? Is it a zero or a 10 or would you rate yourself a 4, 5 or 6 in the hope of increasing it to 7 next year?
I’m sitting here this morning with a man called Jephthah. I had heard of him several times in the past but we met this morning at Judges 11. Jephthah is an extremely interesting and very rugged man. He has such a colourful and dramatic past, the kind of which soap operas are made of. Definitely not the kind of man that on face value you would appraise a 10 on integrity or even a 7 or 5, but his story surprised me.
He told me that he was born by a harlot to Gilead and because of his bastardry; his brothers threw him out of their father’s house saying ‘you have no portion in our father’s house’. When he left his father’s house he became, in today’s parlance, – an area boy, for he joined a band of worthless men that terrorized the neighbourhood. He said that when the Ammonites started to make war against the Israelites, the very same brothers who had thrown him out came looking for him to lead the army that would fight for them. He was very angry when they came, perhaps at the time he should have killed them all, but sentiments aside, he saw this as an opportunity to not only inherit from his father’s house but to inherit from all of Israel also. It was on that premise that he agreed to fight for them if they would make him their leader; him, Jephthah, the harlot’s son.
He wanted this reversal of roles so badly, but he wasn’t sure he could defeat the Ammonites. Then he remembered One who could; One who had defeated them time and time again and that’s when He cut a deal with the One. He said, ‘Lord if you would deliver the people of Ammon into my hands then whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the people of Ammon shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.’ What a deal!
He told me how God kept his side of the deal; the battle was fierce and bloody but God fought valiantly for him that day and gave him victory. On his return home, guess who the ‘first whatever’ was out his door? At this point, he paused, reminiscing… His eyes filled with tears and I could see that thousands of years later, he still remembered the pain of such a bitter sweet victory.
‘Should I not have won the war? Should I have gone back to my brothers even in victory and abdicated my right to lead Israel? The ‘first whatever’ that had come to greet me was too priceless for me to keep my word, my own side of the deal. I had thought my servant would come to welcome me or perhaps my dog would race ahead of everyone out that door to greet a beloved master long gone. But it was my beautiful daughter who came out; singing and dancing, rejoicing at my victory. She was my only child and besides her, I had neither son nor daughter.’
I was almost falling off my seat trying to hear what he did then, this king of the area boys. Did he snatch her and run away back to the land of Tob. Could he have hidden her somewhere where the Lord would not find her? ‘What did you do Jephthah?’ I asked impatiently.
“I cried. Oh how I cried. But I had to give her up. ‘For I have given my word to the Lord and I cannot go back on it’. Judges 11 verse 35b.
I’m still sitting here with Jephthah speechless. There are many questions running through my mind but I am too afraid to ask them. I wanted to ask him where he found the strength of character to keep his word. I wanted to ask how he offered up his daughter to the Lord. Did God stop him at some point after testing his heart like he did for Abraham? Hmmh! I cannot speak.
I sense God here with us, Jephthah and me, as he shares his experiences and how his story was changed forever. I want to ask God also to read my heart and answer the questions I am too afraid to voice, but again I am too scared to speak. But He leaves me with a word anyway…
…Lord who shall abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill?
…he who swears to his own hurt and does not change… (Psalm 15 verse 4b).
What exactly is Integrity? Simply put, the dictionary defines it as honesty. Going further, Wikipedia says “The word integrity stems from the Latin adjective ‘integer’ which means whole or complete. In this context, integrity is an inner sense of wholeness deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such one may judge that others have integrity to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.”
So judge yourself. Do you have integrity? Is it a zero or a 10 or would you rate yourself a 4, 5 or 6 in the hope of increasing it to 7 next year?
I’m sitting here this morning with a man called Jephthah. I had heard of him several times in the past but we met this morning at Judges 11. Jephthah is an extremely interesting and very rugged man. He has such a colourful and dramatic past, the kind of which soap operas are made of. Definitely not the kind of man that on face value you would appraise a 10 on integrity or even a 7 or 5, but his story surprised me.
He told me that he was born by a harlot to Gilead and because of his bastardry; his brothers threw him out of their father’s house saying ‘you have no portion in our father’s house’. When he left his father’s house he became, in today’s parlance, – an area boy, for he joined a band of worthless men that terrorized the neighbourhood. He said that when the Ammonites started to make war against the Israelites, the very same brothers who had thrown him out came looking for him to lead the army that would fight for them. He was very angry when they came, perhaps at the time he should have killed them all, but sentiments aside, he saw this as an opportunity to not only inherit from his father’s house but to inherit from all of Israel also. It was on that premise that he agreed to fight for them if they would make him their leader; him, Jephthah, the harlot’s son.
He wanted this reversal of roles so badly, but he wasn’t sure he could defeat the Ammonites. Then he remembered One who could; One who had defeated them time and time again and that’s when He cut a deal with the One. He said, ‘Lord if you would deliver the people of Ammon into my hands then whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the people of Ammon shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.’ What a deal!
He told me how God kept his side of the deal; the battle was fierce and bloody but God fought valiantly for him that day and gave him victory. On his return home, guess who the ‘first whatever’ was out his door? At this point, he paused, reminiscing… His eyes filled with tears and I could see that thousands of years later, he still remembered the pain of such a bitter sweet victory.
‘Should I not have won the war? Should I have gone back to my brothers even in victory and abdicated my right to lead Israel? The ‘first whatever’ that had come to greet me was too priceless for me to keep my word, my own side of the deal. I had thought my servant would come to welcome me or perhaps my dog would race ahead of everyone out that door to greet a beloved master long gone. But it was my beautiful daughter who came out; singing and dancing, rejoicing at my victory. She was my only child and besides her, I had neither son nor daughter.’
I was almost falling off my seat trying to hear what he did then, this king of the area boys. Did he snatch her and run away back to the land of Tob. Could he have hidden her somewhere where the Lord would not find her? ‘What did you do Jephthah?’ I asked impatiently.
“I cried. Oh how I cried. But I had to give her up. ‘For I have given my word to the Lord and I cannot go back on it’. Judges 11 verse 35b.
I’m still sitting here with Jephthah speechless. There are many questions running through my mind but I am too afraid to ask them. I wanted to ask him where he found the strength of character to keep his word. I wanted to ask how he offered up his daughter to the Lord. Did God stop him at some point after testing his heart like he did for Abraham? Hmmh! I cannot speak.
I sense God here with us, Jephthah and me, as he shares his experiences and how his story was changed forever. I want to ask God also to read my heart and answer the questions I am too afraid to voice, but again I am too scared to speak. But He leaves me with a word anyway…
…Lord who shall abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill?
…he who swears to his own hurt and does not change… (Psalm 15 verse 4b).
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