How did I meet him?

It definitely wasn’t love at first sight. Physically there wasn’t anything heart-stopping about his looks. He was just there.

He wooed me steadily, tenderly and so constantly. At first I was amused and then I got a bit irritated. He was always somewhere around me, even when I didn’t want him to be. Then I noticed I could talk to him and tell him anything. I remember one time one guy I fancied broke my heart and battered my body; I cried all night and called him. He came. Tenderly gave me a bath, told me he loved me and asked why I always ran away from him. This was down time. We had to talk.

I told him I liked him, but I didn’t love him. He didn’t make my pulse race or my heart beat faster. Yes he was kind and gentle but not exciting and I needed excitement. I told him there was no chemistry, we had no connection. I loved him like a brother, not like the way one loved a ‘lover’.

He smiled. I expected anger. He gave me some food and said I would be okay and then he left. I was angry at him that night. Why didn’t he get angry? Why didn’t he yell at me or abuse me the way other men did. He always smiled and walked away. This was his weakness to my mind.

For weeks he didn’t come to see me and then I began to breathe easier. I didn’t see him hanging around my neighborhood and friends or coming round to chat. He didn’t call either and so I moved on. So I thought.

I went to parties, nightclubs, dramas, plays. Hung out with friends, fell in and out of love. Had disastrous affairs, packed days filled with exciting events, anything to keep the misery at bay. I was missing him. I thought he said he would always love me, why did he go away? Some months later, I couldn’t eat, didn’t sleep well. Functioned partially. I looked for him everywhere and couldn’t find him.

Did I realize too late that he was all the excitement I needed? I had to find him, I couldn’t live without him. In searching for him, I realized that I didn’t know where to look. My circle of friends didn’t know his. I didn’t know his family or his friends. I only knew he was someone who loved me and always sought me out. I didn’t know where to find him. I spent months crying and asking and seeking, looking for him

Then one day, I saw him. He was standing at my door. And my heart leaped, my pulse raced. Truly I was in love. He looked awesome. I wondered what he had done to himself. Physically unchanged, but beautiful beyond description.

His face was like the sun and his eyes were like the sea. He said to me, ‘I’m here my love, I never left you, but I wanted you to want me and love me as much as I love you’. His voice was like the thunder filling the empty places of my heart with the essence of him.

I ran to him and he held me. He’s been holding me since then. I have found everything I need. In Him.

A few seconds too long

I remember this one night I tried waiting for him, but it was one of those nights; busy day, heavy traffic, just generally stressful. All I really wanted was to get home, spend some time with him and then go to bed. But being Lagos, I got home so late. I wasn’t sure if he had come and left in my absence or if he was still on his way. I was just so tired, I barely managed to take a bath and fall into bed. I guess I fell asleep in seconds, because at some point I realised the persistent knocking was not from my dreams but from someone at the door. I hung in limbo for a while trying to get my befuddled mind to function.

‘Who’s at the door?’

‘It’s me. I’m here”.

It was him. He had come, but Oh, I was still so tired. It was so hard to get out of my warm bed and find something decent to wear at that time of the night – almost midnight. Would he want something to eat, to drink, would I need to be witty, entertaining? I didn’t know and was too tired to contemplate getting out of bed.

By the time I did, he had gone! Just when I had worked up the energy to change my clothes and open the door. Just when my heart had skipped several beats at the thought of his visit, his kiss, his touch… I opened the door and he wasn’t there. I had hesitated a few seconds too long…

What would I do now?

I couldn’t go back to sleep for he has awakened love and I cannot lie still.

I set out that night to look for him. I just had to find him, if only to say I was sorry hesitating a few seconds too long.  In spite of my fear of robbers, area boys and prostitutes hanging out at night, I just had to find him.

In my desperation, I begged the girls I met outside at that time of the night to help me look for him. They wanted to know what he looked like and what was so special about him that would send me searching for him in the mid of the night.  

Hmmh, where do I start, how can I describe him and how can I explain how my heart beats for him.

He is radiant; He is one in a million. No, not even in a million for there is no one like him. He is golden. He is pure and untarnished

With raven black curls tumbling across his shoulders

His eyes are soft and bright, but deep set, full of expression like wells of water

His face is rugged, His voice, his words, warm and reassuring

He is strong and muscular – fine muscles ripple beneath his skin, quiet and beautiful

He was built by a master designer, hard and smooth as ivory

He stands tall, strong and deep rooted, a rugged mountain of a man

His words are kisses, His kisses words

Everything about him delights me, thrills me through and through

He is altogether lovely

That’s my lover, that’s my Lord.

You need to find Him too, do not wait a few seconds too long.

The Antidote...

I’ve heard it said before that as you get older, memories of your past become clearer.  These days I find myself recalling bits and pieces of my childhood. I clearly remember one traumatic visit from my father’s aged uncle. He had come to live with us in the city because he needed medical care that could not be provided for him in the village. His visit was very disturbing for us; our entire life practically shut down to accommodate the needs of a very sick old man. While I selfishly thought of the inconvenience of taking care of him, my parents worried endlessly if he would live or die. When he died, it was a more painful time for all of us; we had come to appreciate his frailty, his toothless grins and all the history of our village he shared with us in the 5 short months of his stay.

Since then, I have been afraid of shame, pain, sorrow, grief and tears. Those things that we never want to happen but happen nonetheless. Still fear has not hampered these emotions from touching my life from time to time. In my short life here on earth, I’ve been touched by pain, have shared grief and felt shame. I have also cried endless tears. In trying to deal with life’s unfriendly companions (as I call them), I have come to learn about antidotes.

An antidote counteracts, it is a remedy to something disagreeable. It derives from the greek word antididonai which literally means ‘given against’. For instance, many health specialist say jogging is an antidote to nervous tension, love is an antidote to hatred. What then would be an antidote to life’s unfriendly companions? In Luke 7 from verse 36, we meet the famed woman and her alabaster box. She knew shame for the bible said she had lived a sinful life. She shed tears that day when she came before the master and then what did she do? Jesus himself commended her saying ‘she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair..... she put perfume on my feet’. She found the antidote to her pain for from then on the master declared all her sins forgiven.

Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicle 20 also experienced fear. What courage it would have taken for him, a King, to let his subjects know that he was as afraid as they were of the impending attacks from other nations. Still his courage was not an antidote to his fear. Helplessly he confesses ‘we do not know what to do Lord, but our eyes are on you’. Again God responded to this plea assuring Jehoshaphat that the battle was the Lords. In verse 17 He said ‘Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you’.  Jehoshaphat also found the antidote to his fear.

What did they have in common? They both took a position at His feet, a posture of worship. That’s where they fought their fear and shame. That’s the antidote they found. And that antidote always counteracts shame, pain, grief, tears and fear.

In Ezekiel 36 God dictates His panacea for many of the ills we suffer. Maybe we have been looking for solutions in the wrong places, dealing emotionally with life’s unwanted companions. God’s approach is different. In verse 23 He declares “And I will sanctify My great name, which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst; and the nations shall know that I am the LORD,” says the Lord GOD, “when I am hallowed in you before their eyes”. This is the position to take. Again the posture of worship.

As we position ourselves, God says He will display His power in the nations. What else does Nigeria need, but a restoration of His awesome glory? And that’s not all. Here’s what He also says He will do:

Ø  I will take you from among the nations, gather you out of all countries, and bring you into your own land.

Ø  I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols

Ø  I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh

Ø  I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them (this one blows me away!!! Simply put, He will make it easy for me to obey Him).

Ø  I will call for the grain and multiply it, and bring no famine upon you. And I will multiply the fruit of your trees and the increase of your fields, so that you need never again bear the reproach of famine among the nations (another mind-blowing revelation, tell me how do you multiply increase?, its not bad English. It’s God’s word).

Ø  I will also enable you to dwell in the cities, and the ruins shall be rebuilt.... ‘This land that was desolate has become like the garden of Eden; and the wasted, desolate, and ruined cities are now fortified and inhabited.... I will increase their men like a flock....Then they shall know that I am the LORD.

Aah! Position yourself then. Use the Antidote. Praise.

IT IS TIME TO PROPHESY!

My father was often moody; a highly intelligent man, he had little tolerance for inanity. I became his favorite child when I discovered our shared love for books. When my siblings noticed that, they turned me into the family messenger. Whenever they wanted anything, I would be the emissary – shuttling their needs to him and bringing back his responses, his mind so to speak to them.

 Our God is not like my father – Him being God and all and my father a mere mortal prone to many inadequacies. He hasn’t singled out one favorite child who truly ‘gets’ him to communicate with the rest of us, rather if we flip this the other way, we will realize that we have sidelined him; preferring to find prophets who would tell us His mind and help us with making decisions, prophets we would send back to Him with our list of daily needs.

Today has become the day to get back in the Father’s house. God is calling you – as a father to a child. His desire is YOU! In songs of Solomon chapter 7 verse 10, the maid sings “I belong to my lover and His desire is for me”. To whom do you belong? If it is Jehovah, then His desire is for YOU. He desires that you would come into the holy place and sit with Him. He desires to speak with you and tell you His thoughts. He desires to show you His plans for the future and longs to hear your thoughts. He is hungry for your love and for your worship. What’s stopping you? What’s holding you back?

Perhaps the abundance of intermediaries in these times has made us lazy. Too lazy and too complacent to go ourselves into God’s presence. For truly He is not discriminatory. He welcomes everyone who comes. And for those of us who do go in, what do we say and seek to hear when we do go in? Recently, I was looking to Him to sort out one of my many issues. I tried some emotional prayers and some tears, begging and pleading, but to no avail. I think He took pity on me one day because it became so clear when He said ‘Prophesy!’

Prophesy??? I do not consider myself a prophet. Like Isaiah, Jeremiah and Ezekiel. These men are hard guys; the picture of ‘Spiro’ bros who go without food for months comes to my mind when I think of prophets, I dare not class myself there! But in 1 Corinthians 14, Apostle Paul encourages us all to especially desire the gift of prophesy. So I need not be a prophet to prophesy. Paul says that the one who prophesies is greater than the one who speaks in tongues, for if the trumpet does not sound a clear call, who will get ready for battle? Prophesy therefore brings clarity – a clear understanding of God’s mind. An idea of what my next steps should be.

So if like me you have been confused or perplexed and situations around you seem comatose, then prophesy. Like Ezekiel, speak to the dry bones in your life. Prophesy and cause them to live.

In chapter 37 verse 2, Ezekiel said he saw a great many bones in the valley and they were very dry. In our world today there are very many dry bones; everywhere you turn, there’s an issue. Many marriages are like the dry bones – dead, boring, uninteresting. Many businesses are like the dry bones – unprofitable, lacking insight and unsustainable. Many communities and governments are like the dry bones – tedious, hopeless with no future outlook. Should I dare mention our finances? Bleak, stagnated and constantly playing catch up, our elders would say ‘from hand to mouth’.  I cannot conclude without mentioning our spiritual lives for this one aspect dictates the others and requires prophesy more than any other. One day we are praying, worshipping, walking on water and led by the spirit of God, the next day we are reduced to tears and fear, bound by uncontrollable emotions. Dry Bones!

God says, speak to the dry bones. Don’t wait for that favorite child to come and turn your situation around. Like Ezekiel, say to YOUR dry bones ‘hear ye the word of the Lord, this is what the Lord says “I will make breadth come into you and you will come to life…and even after they came to life, prophesy some more. In verse 7 & 8, after the bones came together, God still commanded Ezekiel to prophesy because there was no force of life in them. They were powerless to function. If your dry bones have come alive, keep prophesying. Call for breadth from the 4 winds that your bones may arise and live and stand up on their feet – an exceeding great army. . It is time to prophesy!

CRY OUR BELOVED NIGERIA

I have very poignant memories of growing up in Nigeria. When I tell my children stories of my Nigeria, it seems so hard to reconcile with their Nigeria – today’s Nigeria.

What went wrong then? Did development in some way stunt our growth that at 50 years we still find it hard to decipher left from right; we keep turning around in circles grappling with under-developed infrastructure, ineffective educational systems, zero healthcare, rampart poverty and totally non-existent security systems.

In my Nigeria, I remember being fed lunch at a neighbour’s house on several occasions. These

neighbours were not my relations, but this didn’t matter in the Nigeria I remember. We were safe with neighbours. Today, children barely know their neighbours and live their lives behind highly secured homes – window bars and high fences. How can we reconcile my Nigeria with theirs?

A friend of mine recently moved houses because her 4-year old son was amazed when he saw water coming out of a kitchen tap in a friend’s house. She had lived for 4 years in an apartment with no water, resorting to fetching and storing water in buckets and drums. Recently a family lost their father and husband to domestic fire – the generator exploded in his face. I read last week about a woman whose son was shot before her by hoodlums; they had ordered him to sleep with his mother and shot him because he refused to succumb to their evil command. How about the bus load of 15 children who were kidnapped on their way to school one morning only a few weeks back. I hear Aba is now a ghost town; the once bustling and commercial trading centre of the east is a shadow of the town it used to be.

Edmund Burke’s popular quote says ‘The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing’. Today’s Nigeria triumphs in evil. Many people queried the 50^th anniversary celebration; the stupendous spending compared to the lack of growth and development in the country, the abject poverty. Who would spend N72 million on a cake – even a national one when we have tender children sleeping the streets with no food, no clothes, no home? I got several emails on the state of the country, each one proclaiming the evils that have engulfed Nigeria.

Why is evil increasingly rampant in our country? Like Edmund Burke says and I fully agree – good men do nothing. Do we not have good men in this country? Do we not have intelligent and strong men in this country? Do we not have honest leaders? Like our population, good Nigerians are plentiful in number. Our only crime which has become our greatest failing is that the good men do NOTHING!

Sorry, we do something – we complain. We gather in groups to deride and complain about our leaders. We leave those groups shaking our heads wondering what will become of Nigeria. We forward sms’ and text messages highlighting our national failings. For those of us who can afford it, we recreate our lives in the safety and security of foreign countries. Yes, that’s what we do. And when we meet in our gatherings again, we ask why we are stunted in growth. Are we cursed? Why are we captured in strangleholds of paralysis? Impotent to think, to speak and to act.

A paragraph in Alan Paton’s novel ‘cry the beloved country’ captures my thoughts as I ponder these things; Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.

Our reticence to ‘do something’, that fear to think, to speak out and to act will be the same fear that will eventually rob us of all. It is time to arise, good men and act.

RIGHT AS RAIN

I went to the dentist today. Intense pain drove me there. I had been nursing a toothache for about 10 days, promising myself that one day, I would go to the dentist, but this morning, it was even painful to brush my teeth and rinse out with water, so off I went. The dentist was very gentle in himself, but the procedure wasn’t. I lay on that surgical chair; my mouth held open by all sorts of rods and pins and submitted myself to pain even more intense than the toothache I’d been battling with. As I lay there, I thought about the futility of life. ‘Did I speak to you this morning Lord’? ‘Did I mention that we’d be at the dentist today’? I forgot about embarrassments like what my breadth was like and whether or not I had left-over crumbs in my mouth. At this point, the fact that I was wearing my much treasured Cartier wrist watch didn’t matter, the drip of saliva and blood onto my Orna Farho suit was inconsequential. My new Cocinelle bag was probably on the floor somewhere and for once I didn’t care. The pain was that intense.

The only other time I had faced such intense pain and didn’t have another care in the world was when I was giving birth to my last child. For the first two, I had been a ‘Hebrew’ woman. The children popped out with amazing speed just when the pain was becoming blinding, but for my last… no such hurry. He took his time and had to be forced out after 24 hours of labour. I pulled out the braids in my hair and took off my clothes not caring about modesty at the time. I just wanted the pain to go away.

What kept me through the pain both times was the belief that this pain was only for a moment. It would be over soon and when that time came, I would be right as rain. I would have reason to rejoice. And so I submitted myself meekly to the ministrations of my dentist this morning, praying that he would be done soon and my life would be somewhat normal again. I also thought as I lay there, how Jesus was like this dentist. How many times we experience pain in life but refuse to submit to him because we are scared of the process; terrified of going through more pain before healing.

What other choice do we have then? Should we go on living at best a mediocre life and put away God’s eternal solution to our problems? Many times I wonder why He doesn’t just wave a magic wand and get us right as rain. Why does He take us through more pain to heal us? ‘For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all’. Hmmh, that’s why then.
I realized this morning, getting to the root of any issue is a painful process but also a way to ensure that the issue is dealt with definitively. When my dentist was done, he gave me some prescriptions and said ‘you may feel some soreness; take 1 tablet of Cataflam when you do and use this mouthwash morning and evening. You’ll soon be fine.

Just the same way, when God surgically and painfully deals with our issues, He also gives prescriptions:
‘Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it’ and ‘Do not forsake the assembling together of the saints’, also ‘pray without ceasing’. Whatever your challenge, let the Chief of all medical personnel take over, follow His prescriptions and you’ll soon be as right as rain. Look at me; I’m already planning to have lunch now.

MOVING TO PAREEEE....

Moving to Paris was a massive shock to my system; at the time, my kids were 5 years, 4 years and 4 months old. I look back many times these days and ask 'how did you survive the experience?'.

First of all, I had been on several holidays to the lovely city of Paree..., it was full of lights, culture and romance. Strolling around the Seine, visiting the Louvre, eating meals at the bistros on the curb side, jostling other fashionistas for a pass into the Hermes or Louis Vuitton store shows. My memories of Paris were light, fun, adventurous and all lovely. Until I moved!

Before moving, I had studied the language for like 3 months. My Nigerian French-speaking teacher praised me endlessly. 'Madam, you were born to speak french. See how you have just taken to the language in 3 short months, tres bien!' So with language conquered and full of confidence, we set off. Only one friend called me by the side one day to say 'it is well, ID, God will help you.'

God? help? In Paris? The adventure of my life?

The first bubble buster was at the airport when we got in - April 16th 2007 6 am. All the signs at the international airport - Charles de Gaulle were in French - and definitely not the kind of french Monsieur Matthew Okoro had tutored me on in Port Harcourt City. Qu'est-ce qui passe? I rubbed my eyes, thinking it was fatigue, maybe sleep and that clear-eyed, I would be able to read directions and proceed to immigration. Efian! Didnt happen. The words were still the same. Undettered, I simply followed the human traffic - french i couldn't read, but body sabi im road! 

The second bubble buster was at the immigrations desk when the officer rattled off in rapid-fire french; I didn't understand a word! 'Vous parlez anglais s'il vous plait?' , I quickly asked. Monsieur Matthew had hastily advised one day that I resort to that question whenever I got confused. While it worked, he didn't tell me that the confusion would be akin to deafness. I thought it was just fatigue, but realised in no time that I really did not understand the language and my inability to communicate made me 'deaf and dumb' in the beautiful city of Paree.

Every day was a bubble buster after that. I had no nanny, no driver and no cleaner. I was meant to cope one way or another and with three children all under 5 years old, it was a nightmare. Yes, I did need God to help me adjust to life in this place. 

Where were all the glamorous night lights?

Where were those lovely bistros I used to stop at for sandwiches?

What happened to the Seine?

And the designer shopping malls?

Where was culture? adventure? romance?

Did they all move away when i got there?

Instead i grappled everyday with just getting very basic things done. Getting children, up bathe, fed and off to school, looking after the baby, walking around familiarising myself with the environment. I learnt to deal with hostile shop keepers who couldn't decipher a word of my Nigerian-French accent, mean bus drivers who took off when they saw me running at full speed to catch the bus, dog poo liberally spread on the  sidewalk, laid back french workforce that responded to emergency calls 48 hours after and endless strikes that literally shut the city down you had to call the police department to find a doctor!

And as our time there grew to a close, it all slowly began to come together. It just seemed like my ears popped, or my brains connected the dots successfully. Suddenly, I could easily read the signs, I could write in French, I could hear and be heard and best of all be understood. I could communicate; and that thought gave me so much confidence and the confidence, poise.

Just as I was leaving, I had been immersed

In Paris.

The Anniversary Trip Part 6

Time to go home.

The night before our departure, we had dinner at the Villa del Palazzo; the most luxurious and prestigious restaurant in all of the resort. It lived up to its name. I can’t spell, pronounce or describe what we ate, but everything – from the ambience, the service, the music and the meal was excellent. I will always remember this night. And I can’t tell you either what I got as an anniversary present, mainly because I didn’t give anything in return (so shame dey catch me). However, when you see my boys and how dem resemble their papa, you will agree that I have also done my bit (this is where I pat myself on the back!).

By morning, hubby’s face was really swollen on one side. That headache was no joke. He really wasn’t well and something was terribly wrong. Our main priority though was to get out of the resort and in Jo’ burg so we could be sure of catching our flight at 3pm. The earliest bus from Sun City leaves at 8 am and we got on it. At the airport, we headed for the pharmacy – the face was swelling by the minute. If I post the picture, suffice it to say that I may not tell you of the 11^th anniversary!

At the pharmacy they referred us to the airport clinic; the airport clinic referred us to the main clinic in Kempton town. We left our luggage in the airport clinic and headed to the hospital. We were sent to the trauma center. This was getting seriouser and seriouser.

The only relief I got at the time were the nurses who were more interested in knowing if my hair was really mine and since it wasn’t they wanted to know how they could also wear the same style. ‘Where can we get these extensions?’ I had answered these questions time and again from entering SA. At a point, I actually feared for my safety. ‘Do you think they would shave off my hair while I slept?’ I had asked my husband on the second day when the attention got a bit much. That’s how much I feared the determination of these pear shaped South African women!

Anyway, we were very well treated at the clinic, I guess because I promised them that I would return with dread hair extensions for all of them. They were gentle and kind and nice. Even issued us a fit to fly certificate and dispatched us back to the airport. We were back in good time to check in and browse round the airport before catching our flight home. As I write, we are in the bustling city of Lagos. One child woke us up at 3 am. The others climbed over us at 5 am. The soothing effect of my 60-minute massage at the resort spa is rapidly fading away.

I’m holding on tightly to the memories and pictures, savouring every moment as normal life firmly and insistently takes over…

The countdown to the 11^th anniversary has begun. This is what life is all about!

The Anniversary Trip Part 5

I had always thought I was a very brave person. I prided myself on my nationality – Ijaw to the core with full Niger Delta bragging rights (Itsekiri mother, Urhobo husband), face fear face???

But see how one trip into the South African bush just floored me. Hubby spent the whole day teasing and laughing at me; ‘please lets go back, let’s get out of here’, became his mantra the whole day as we engaged in other safe, grounded and well researched activities. I knew I had to redeem my image. The integrity of the entire Ijaw nation was at stake here!

So the next day, we headed for water-based activities. I thought to myself, if this doesn’t shut him up nothing else will. After all I was born in the water, a native of Brass Island, swimming like a fish by the time I was 6 months…

That morning as we got ready, hubby complained of a slight headache and didn’t want to go. Of course I have been married to this man for 10 years I keep telling you. No trick in the book is new. There was no way I was letting him get off the water based activities. A whole nation’s integrity, remember?

We got to the resort’s valley of waves and me sef; my liver almost failed me when I saw the water slide! E start from mountain top!! I can’t remember how many meters of it, but I knew I would NEVER get on it. But I didn’t let him see my fear.

So when he suggested that we go on the lazy river first of all, I happily agreed. The lazy river entailed just floating around a lake in a tube. Relaxing, fun, no thumping heartbeats. Then we thought to brave the valley of waves…

I can’t describe it justifiably. It’s a man-made beach where they force the waves out at intervals and you get swept off in it like you really were at sea. Now, I have come home. Of course I dived in, got swept off in the waves, enjoying every moment of it and reminiscing of carefree childhood days spent at the beach in Twon Brass. Hubby busied himself with the pictures.

After a while, I suggested that he try the waves, jump in enjoy the fun. Efian! At that point he reminded me that he had told me he had a very bad headache (I bin think say na slight headache e talk).

‘You don’t seem to understand that my head is really banging, I can’t participate in all these activities today. Why don’t you go on the water slide and I’ll just take pictures?’

Hmmh! That slide again. I cannot let the Ijaw nation down. See how Urhobo man wan fall my hand again today? Shebi you know say ‘Urhobo nor dey carry last?’

Now how do I get out of this and still look brave?

‘Ehm, poor you my darling, this pounding head. Don’t worry about the slide. Let’s get out of the sun so you can go and lie down and I’ll take care of you’…

And that’s how we left the valley of waves. My dignity, integrity and bravery intact! Me sef don learn small Urhobo sense (as my father would say – osobo wayo).

And I’m a good wife. I did look after him oh. Bought him food, drugs, waited for him to sleep and then I took off to the water world and spent an hour on the Jet Ski…

…it’s a wonderful world!

The Anniversary Part 4

How would I explain to my children that their father was lunch for a family of hungry rhinos we met in a South African bush? What would I say to family and friends when I got back to Nigeria without him?

I know that many times in this 10 year old marriage I had been tempted to do him real physical harm, but I wasn’t ready for rhinos to rob me off the privilege. Still I wasn’t brave to attempt a rescue. Where on earth was he? And the guide had sped off! Should I go back? Should I speed off and ensure that the children have at least one parent? What would you have done???

Stop thinking those thoughts you! Bad child!!

Of course I went back. Do you know what he was doing? Following the rhinos trying to get pictures! Una see my trouble?

Honestly, if I could personally feed him to the rhinos at that point I would have!!!

Well, we did the one hour ride in the bushes we paid for, inspite of my pleas to the guide to take us back (they had sworn the ride wasn’t dangerous when we started), hubby wanted to complete it, he wanted to see the elephants, the buffalo, the tiger, the lion…

Thank God, after that we only saw gazelles (lovely harmless creatures), zebras, giraffes and they all ran away when they saw us coming. Phew… I couldn’t wait to get out of there. What was I thinking? Bush and Ijaw girl nor dey mix at all!

Can you believe that when we got back to the game reserve center that was when they told us the real stories of their bush adventures… encounters with lions, tigers, elephants and so on... They gave us a real picture of an irate elephant that pushed a car off the bush path!

Why dem nor tell us this part before we begin? From now on, I choose activities with care. Even the hot air balloon rides I nor do again, before an eagle will fly up there and snatch me away from the balloon.

The Anniversary Trip Part 3

Sun City’s motto is ‘one destination … a million thrills’. I had seen that over and over again when I researched the resort before we got there. I thought it was just one of those sales gimmicks, but there really are a million thrills here! Of the million thrills, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine of them are dangerous adventures. So how do we cram all these thrills into our 3-day stay?

Day one we spent wondering around the resort assessing what we would actually do and what we would just gape at. I wanted to go on the hot air balloon ride, hubby wanted to do the safari tour. In my opinion, a hot air balloon ride is by far safer, don’t you think? What’s the worst that can happen? You probably fall off and the parachute thingy activates abi? And if it doesn’t then you crash to the floor break a few bones and then…

But the safari tour takes you into almost touching distance of SA’s big 5 – the Rhino, the Buffalo, the Tiger, the Lion and the Elephant. You think say na lie? I will post some pictures tomorrow.  What do you think would happen if you got into the path of a lion? Or elephant for that matter? Wait for the pictures and see.

So that’s how we settled for the quad bike ride (see profile pics), we each had our own bikes and were taken into the bush with a female guide. There I was whizzing around on a bike and finally understanding why the bike fad is gaining ground in naija. And the guide in front of me stops abruptly… ‘turn around quickly, we have to go back’

‘Why?’ I am trying to calculate the time, is our one hour up already?

‘There are 4 rhinos blocking the path and they are headed this way!’

Talk about adrenaline. My head is pounding, my hands are shaking. I can’t find the reverse stick on the bike. I can’t move and the rhinos are in my view. Crazy…. In 5 seconds I have wondered who will care for our children. When I get to heaven what would I tell Jesus that I was doing in the South African bush when I should be spreading the gospel somewhere.

‘Oh Lord, help me, forgive me, I will serve you forever, just get me out’

Then as if that was not bad enough, the guide takes off leaving us there to go check out another route. We are all alone in the bush in the direct path of a family of rhinos, as large as can be. I know I wanted some adventure, but I didn’t want to die in the adventure. Surely, this is madness!!!

I don’t know how I turned, but somehow I did turn the bike and we retreated to another part of the bush and the guide came back to say there were more rhinos behind, we were hemmed in. ‘Oh God, did you not hear my earlier cry? Please help!’

And a few minutes later, she said we could go through, they had gone back into the bush. So do we crawl by? Do we throttle past? What if the noise of the bikes brings them out of the bushes again? Aah, confusion is indeed a curse.

I just throttled full speed after the guide. When I looked back, hubby was not there…

The Anniversary Trip Part 2

Jo’ burg was a surprise. Of course I had heard how developed this African city was. I had even seen pictures and watched documentaries. Still, I was pleasantly surprised at how clean it was and how courteous the people were, even though my friend Afi says it’s because we didn’t enter the city center – Jo’ burg CBD! Another surprise was how pear-shaped (really really pear shaped) and proud about it the women were. I thought of all my long tops bought to cover my God given (and compared to SA women tiny) hips and longed for the boldness to just flaunt it like they did. Ha!

Afi and I worked briefly together in Lagos before she relocated to Jo’ burg, so it was a pleasant surprise to hook up with her in SA. We had dinner together and went to MonteCasino, another beautiful surprise. I thought we had been transported to little Italy without knowing.

Our hotel, the Sandton Hilton really spoiled us. Breakfast in bed was fit for a king. If I go on eating this way, I doubt that my jeans will take me back home and I only brought the one.

Next morning, we packed up and headed off to the Sun City Resort. It was a 2 hour ride which I assumed would go on uneventfully until we got to a check point!

Aha, I knew we were still in Africa.

Now, Sun City….

A million thrills, one destination…

And hubby unleashing an adventurous and slightly danger-loving side I had never seen before.

Read on…

MY WOMEN FRIENDS

Since moving to Lagos I have heard many women say that they don’t have women friends, they don’t want women friends, they don’t like maintaining relationships with other women and they do not join women groups of any kind.

I have been blessed by so many women that I find that hard to understand. Am I missing some valuable piece of knowledge? As long as I can remember, I have always had women friends and thoroughly enjoyed the relationships too.  While in Paris, I helped birth a thriving Christian women’s group; we met most times to share information on how to cope with living abroad, ate different meals together, planned outings and just hung out. But I knew I had sisters there and I knew they had my back.

Before I left for Paris, I had women friends my husband called ‘the wolis’. We met through our children who had become friends in school and later started meeting on Monday evenings to pray. Mondays extended to mornings at the gym, weekday lunches at our favourite restaurants and weekend hang-outs in each other’s homes. When I was in hospital giving birth to my last son, one of them had my first son stay with her while the other had my daughter.

I can never forget the dear friend who read through my fears as a first time mum when I had to return to work after my maternity leave. ‘Would I leave this child with a nanny I wasn’t familiar with?’ She watched my son for months while I went to work. I didn’t have to pay her; he was ‘our son’.

My very first boss in the bank was a woman. She patiently taught me everything she knew about banking and beyond the job opened her heart and home to me. She influenced me a great deal showing me how to be hardworking and straightforward in all my dealings. And these days, another female boss has freely shared her office and resources with me, to help me grow and make a living along this path I have chosen to take.

Back in university, I remember a group of 13 girls we simply called ‘us’. We would go to the botanical garden to pray for one another and the manifestation of God’s plan for our lives. Those girls could pray! That was when I tried a 3-day dry fast for the very fast time and thought I would die in the process but they held me up. We held each other up.

I love having women in my life; sisters and friends. When I got married, I met my husband’s many sisters and sisters in-law who right from the very beginning embraced me with their hearts and not their hands alone. I marvel sometimes at the fact that that it is marriage that brought me here; it often feels like I am back in my father’s house with my very own blood sisters!  

 When I went to work in the church office, I met this woman there with such a prickly façade and a heart as soft as butter. She calls me sometimes at midnight asking me to pray and I get up right away. I bb stuff to her which I say right after ‘please delete’, and I am fine with that. Why, right across the road from where I live, I have found another friend, another sister and prayer partner. She also holds me up like I do her and sometimes, she calls me just to say ‘Id, my cook just made that edikaikong soup you like, come for lunch’. I have another friend here in Lekki with whom I can leave my children for a week and not even call or worry. I know they are safe with her.

 Is it that I have been truly blessed and I have not met ‘these other women’ everyone in Lagos seems bent on avoiding? Maybe, not but I have had my fair share of fights and disagreements with these women, some days they infuriate me just as much as I realize I also make them mad. I have 8 blood sisters, we fight consistently, make up and move on, and I have never thought to give up on them. Still, I wouldn’t trade the lovely women God has placed in my life for anything and in fact I pray each day that he sends me some more.

So I am still wide open to increasing my circle of women friends; just a few days back I had lunch with 2 women. New women friends and definitely my sisters. 2 of us had met late last year, while none of us 2 had met the 3^rd. We relied on telephones to lead us to each other and when we all got together, we put our facades away. And how refreshing that was. The lunch hour wasn’t enough; we laughed, we squealed, we clapped hands and hugged each other. It was like we had known each other for years.

While I do have some male friends, none of them come close to ‘my sisters’. How many men will linger over lunch, laughing out loud talking about everything and nothing? How many men have recipes to share or stories about children’s antics to swap? Will men understand things like menstrual cramps, menopause or even infatuation and depression? Will they understand that sometimes what I need is just a good cry not a solution and that even if I am in love with a good man just for this moment, just this one time join me to yap him well and not tell me what a great guy he is? How will I justify calling a man at 2 am to pray with me, no matter how tight the friendship? How will I break the barriers of the sexes and nurture deep fellowship with a man friend? How?

A woman is a sister and mother, whether she has birth a child or not. Look at me; my life has transformed because of the touch of all the sisters/mothers in my life. You have birth the qualities of who I am today and I celebrate you. I pray that God will in turn bless you with women friends like all of mine.

Happy Mother’s day.

The Anniversary Trip, Part 1

March 1^st 2011 will be our 10^th year wedding anniversary.  Chief amongst the things I am celebrating is the joy that as tempted as I have been in the last 10 years, I have not killed my husband! So last year, I began in my mind to congratulate myself and to plan the party to celebrate my great restraint, much as I love him. I had planned to invite a few friends over to celebrate with us and of course, a pastor to bless us and perchance pray for the grace not to even think of maiming him in the next 10 years.

When hubby called me up to ask ‘would you like to go to Dubai for our 10^th anniversary?” ripples of different feelings ran through my system; first of all shock that he remembered, not the anniversary itself, but the significance of it (10 whole years) and secondly the implied romance (if only to my mind) for we had honey mooned in Dubai 10 years ago, how sweet.

Would I like to go? Of course I would love to go. And with that many preparations to put this trip together began in earnest. Many things led to other many things and we eventually decided to go to South Africa. One major reason being that we had never been there and it was time to visit new places besides London, Paris and New York.

So here we are today on flight SA0061 from Lagos to Johannesburg. Hubby being the ‘high powered and frequent flier’ that he is, is not used to the long queues we mortals face at the airport, but I knew for sure that I would really enjoy myself when he waited through it all for 3 hours, no complaints. The only snag was when he threatened bodily harm to one of the customs staff who frisked him a little bit too closely…

As we queued to board finally, the lady at the boarding counter did take a shine to him. I am so sure about that. She chatted with him endlessly forgetting that there was still a line of waiting and tired passengers. Then she offered to change his seat. I wasn’t bothered at all; for one, the seat change would benefit me – hopefully and secondly, shine or not, he was boarding that plane with me! My green horn tended to poke a bit when she deigned to look at me and ask ‘are you together?’ her face slightly falling as she realized that yes there is a wifey and she is standing right here!

Still, Sun City here I come. No kids, no mega shopping sprees, great hotels and fantastic adventures planned. I will keep you posted.