How did I meet him?

It definitely wasn’t love at first sight. Physically there wasn’t anything heart-stopping about his looks. He was just there.

He wooed me steadily, tenderly and so constantly. At first I was amused and then I got a bit irritated. He was always somewhere around me, even when I didn’t want him to be. Then I noticed I could talk to him and tell him anything. I remember one time one guy I fancied broke my heart and battered my body; I cried all night and called him. He came. Tenderly gave me a bath, told me he loved me and asked why I always ran away from him. This was down time. We had to talk.

I told him I liked him, but I didn’t love him. He didn’t make my pulse race or my heart beat faster. Yes he was kind and gentle but not exciting and I needed excitement. I told him there was no chemistry, we had no connection. I loved him like a brother, not like the way one loved a ‘lover’.

He smiled. I expected anger. He gave me some food and said I would be okay and then he left. I was angry at him that night. Why didn’t he get angry? Why didn’t he yell at me or abuse me the way other men did. He always smiled and walked away. This was his weakness to my mind.

For weeks he didn’t come to see me and then I began to breathe easier. I didn’t see him hanging around my neighborhood and friends or coming round to chat. He didn’t call either and so I moved on. So I thought.

I went to parties, nightclubs, dramas, plays. Hung out with friends, fell in and out of love. Had disastrous affairs, packed days filled with exciting events, anything to keep the misery at bay. I was missing him. I thought he said he would always love me, why did he go away? Some months later, I couldn’t eat, didn’t sleep well. Functioned partially. I looked for him everywhere and couldn’t find him.

Did I realize too late that he was all the excitement I needed? I had to find him, I couldn’t live without him. In searching for him, I realized that I didn’t know where to look. My circle of friends didn’t know his. I didn’t know his family or his friends. I only knew he was someone who loved me and always sought me out. I didn’t know where to find him. I spent months crying and asking and seeking, looking for him

Then one day, I saw him. He was standing at my door. And my heart leaped, my pulse raced. Truly I was in love. He looked awesome. I wondered what he had done to himself. Physically unchanged, but beautiful beyond description.

His face was like the sun and his eyes were like the sea. He said to me, ‘I’m here my love, I never left you, but I wanted you to want me and love me as much as I love you’. His voice was like the thunder filling the empty places of my heart with the essence of him.

I ran to him and he held me. He’s been holding me since then. I have found everything I need. In Him.