Death & I

I have been struggling with death for a while now. No, I am not dying anytime soon. I am not plagued by any ailment - major or minor, fear not. This is not my last letter to you or anything close. I've just realized that I have not died ...yet. Jesus said "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds", John 12 verse 24. Except a seed falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone - just a seed, of no productive benefit to itself or anyone. A seed on earth without purpose. A seed without a mission or vision, unproductive. I had thought a long time ago, that I had died, in fact when the scripture says that my old man had died, I believed it to be so, but suddenly, I see that old man rearing its head, having a voice, exercising control over me, taking decisions, actions, plotting, planning, accomplishing many things that ought not to be imagined much less accomplished. I'll give you examples: I find that I hear and know the voice of God, His counsel for me even in minute day to day stuff. Do I do it? No. My flesh is so strong, it is such a battle. My will struggles with the will of God every day. God says ‘fast today’. My belly says no way, tomorrow Lord, today is pancake day! God says ‘wait on me today, worship me’. My inquisitive mind wants to be in front of the television seeking to know if Michael Jackson was murdered, if there’s a war on in Africa, anything! God says ‘my kingdom needs the money in your account’. My needs cry out, shoes, bags clothes, Lord this is Lagos! God says ‘read my word, study the bible’. I again cry out, Lord, I have deadlines at work still not met. I need to finish the new Genevieve magazine, just a minute Lord and I’ll study the word! Oh, the lust of the flesh…. I look around me and in this city, everybody is somebody. If you haven’t got it, beg, borrow steal. Just be! Fake it! Its not lying, it’s a new business word called ‘posturing’. To play that role, I have got to look the part. I covet everything around me, including people!. If I see a well dressed successful lady, I want to be her. After all I can do her job better than she does it, matters not if she’s a doctor or a designer. I can be a better her. If I hear a revolutionary word preached in church, I want to be the preacher. After all, God speaks to me as well. I can have a 10,000 man congregation too. I want to drive the best cars, live within the Lagos Island zip code, be on first name terms with the movers and shakers of the city. In fact I want to be the mover and shaker of the city. Oh, the lust of the eyes…. Suddenly, I think I should be respected based on where I work, how I look, where I live and who I know. I place myself higher than everyone else. Some people, I don’t even bother to associate with. Surely, they are beneath me. I choose my friends with care. I must be seen and associated with the right crowd. Please define your job and your level at your work. No plebbs allowed in my circle of friends, oh don’t forget your zip code. What kind of car do you drive? Where do you go for summer? You must wear only designer labels to swing with me. I lash out at people who do not address me properly. Don’t you know who I am? So all of a sudden, I am consumed by a need for recognition based on what I know not. I haven’t accomplished anything new, great or outstanding. Just applaud me. I’m the one to know and be around. Oh the pride of life…. A dead man is no longer concerned with the affairs of this world. 1 John 2: 17 says, the world and its desires will pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. Our concerns should then shift to another kingdom. We should focus on the affairs of the new Jerusalem where the spirits of just men are being made perfect. And so like Apostle Paul, I die daily, trusting God that everyday as I put myself under His control, He will deliver me from this body of sin and death. Oh, the joy of doing His will! Examine yourself then, are you dead?