Marriage 101 – The entire point of it all

Marriage is a complex journey and one I feel most unqualified to write about! It is the one institution for which we get a certificate we haven’t earned yet. It is the one place where you experience extreme heights of joy and depths of misery. In marriage, you realize that the tools that got you into it barely sustain you in it. It is in equal parts most pleasurable and heart wrenching, just the one marriage.

I’ve heard some people say ‘if I could come back again I would marry the same person’. Others pray for another life just to escape the one they got! Some try it for a few years and check out while others celebrate 20, 30, 40 even 50 years together. Some marry once and swear off it, others try and try and try again in the hope that they just might find ‘the one’? The battles of the sexes rage on – ‘women marry better, no men are better’, and so we go on and on and on and on, completely missing the entire point of why we got in there in the first place.

Now before I get to the entire point, I must get this controversial issue off my chest just so you know where I stand. In my mind and no matter how you got married – I believe whomever you are married to is God’s perfect will for you! That’s such an extremist view especially in 2013, but I’m sorry, that’s just what I believe.

Does that mean then that the husband who perchance hits you from time to time is God’s will for you? – I do believe he is, but his assignment in your life does not include the blows he freely doles out. Does that mean then that the wife who curses you like a fish-wife daily eroding your self-esteem is God’s purposes for your lives.

It takes great maturity to stay balanced, happy and satisfied in marriage. Unfortunately, maturity isn’t something we start out with when we get married. In fact maturity is something we develop within marriage and developing maturity is a very painful process. So imagine 2 immature people in close proximity to one another struggling to build their own institution from which their family and community would be raised. There’s bound to be pain. There’s bound to be mistakes – sometimes very costly mistakes that bring sorrow and grief. There’s also bound to be success if they keep growing and do not give up along the way.

Marriage is a completely spiritual journey lived out in the flesh. That contradiction again contributes to its complexity and the reason why so many get weary and give up! The bible says that the carnal mind cannot appreciate the things of the Spirit of God because they are foolishness to him, nor can he know them because they are spiritually discerned. (1 Corinthians 2 verse 14) And herein lies the entire point of this marriage business.

Is marriage ‘a thing of the spirit of God’? Absolutely yes! Marriage is an exhibition of God’s devotion, sacrifice and commitment to the church. He takes time in Ephesians 5 verses 22 to 32 to express this to us. Especially verses 30 and 31 where He says ‘For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. For this reason, a man shall leave His father and mother and be joined to His wife and the two shall become one flesh.

So is the reason for leaving and cleaving (marriage) clear then?

The reason by which we claim membership to His body – His flesh & His bone? Do you see then how spiritual marriage is? It is the exhibition of His relationship with the church – that we can mirror in our daily marital lives, the joining of Christ to the church in His own quest to present to Himself, a church without spots or wrinkles or any such thing….

Indeed it is a spiritual thing, the carnal mind cannot appreciate it.

I’m starting these series because I deeply feel many of us (me also) are uneducated about the purpose of marriage and hopefully through these series gain some understanding of what the Lord requires of us. Is there a place for romance in marriage? Yes! Is there a place for that heart-thumping feeling when your eyes meet across a room? Oh yes!! Is there a place for the passions in our bodies and our desires for sex? By all means yes!!! But is that all marriage is about such that when those things do not seem to work we exit?

So what’s the conclusion in 101 today?

·         Dancing together in marriage takes time – maturity helps both partners get the rhythm right.

·         Whomever you are married to – good, bad and ugly is God’s perfect will for you.

·         Marriage is a spiritual journey we live out in the physical – journeying well then demands we become familiar with both the physical and spiritual territories that define our pathway.

Bottom line – If it’s tough right now, don’t give up! I don’t know if it will ever get better, but what does giving up mean then to ‘the reason’? Examine yourself – how many times have you bruised and cheated on the Lord? How many times has He given up on you? I’m just saying that if you’ve never hurt or disappointed God, and marriage is hurting and disappointing you, then maybe you can leave it behind – I’m just saying (he who has not sinned should cast the 1^st stone). Otherwise – do like Jesus – forgive as our heavenly father forgives us also. Then keep believing…

Id Ogufere

July 2013

Deliberate Parenting

Somehow this morning, I collided with Eli. I couldn’t stop my tears falling as I read about a man who served the Lord and yet at the end of it all, his generation was wiped out. Where and how did he wrong God?

Eli was a man with many responsibilities; in his day, he was the High Priest of God. His job description was exclusive – he had the responsibility of presenting the people to God. He was the one permitted to enter the Holy place and make sacrifices on behalf of the people. He was a very, very important man. He must have been a very very busy man too!

Just Like you!

Eli was a man with many responsibilities; he was a father – he had 2 sons the bible says – Hophni & Phineas. He was responsible for teaching them the ministry of priesthood so that at his demise his sons would carry on in ministry as appointed for the Levites. That was God’s laid out plan – that the fathers would teach their sons His way, so that when the sons grew older they would understand the protocol of ministry.

Exactly like you!

It’s in your job description – to train up a child in the way that he should go, so that when he is old, he would not depart from it (Proverbs 22 verse 6).

So where did Eli go wrong?

It is very clear to me that Eli loved the Lord. Reading about him, I realized he was constantly in the temple. He was there when Hannah came to cry before God for a child; he rebuked her when he thought she was a drunken woman and blessed her when he realized she wasn’t. In 1 Samuel 2: 20, Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife, saying  ‘May the Lord give you children by this woman to take the place of this one she prayed for and gave to the Lord’. Hannah went on to have more children.

Eli, heard God – he could recognize God’s voice. The night God called Samuel, it was Eli who, in recognition of God’s call, told Samuel to answer ‘speak Lord for your servant hears’.

When the ark was captured in battle, Eli was heartbroken and fell and died. The bible records in 1 Samuel 4 verse 18 – then it happened, when he made mention of the ark of God, that Eli fell off his seat backward by the side of the gate; and his neck was broken and he died…’

The interactions between Eli and his sons were briefly told in the scriptures. In 1 Samuel 2 verse 22, we read of him rebuking his sons because the bible said they were wicked men. The bible also says that his sons did not listen to him.

So what did Eli do wrong?

When God spoke to Samuel in 1 Samuel 3 verses 11 – 13, He outlined Eli’s wrong.  He said ‘Behold I will do something in Israel at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. In that day, I will perform against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them.

From this scripture, we see that:

v God had previously and severally spoken to Eli about his children’s behavior

v God had warned Eli of judgement to come

v Eli did not restrain his children

And herein lies Eli’s wrong doing!  He did not hold back his children, he didn’t limit them, he didn’t set them boundaries. Therefore God wiped out Eli alongside his children who had grown up to be vile men.

Embedded in that word – restrain – is yet another powerful word – Train.

Not too long ago, Pastor KO sent me a mail in which he wrote – Training a child is a very deliberate process…

Did Eli know this and just chose to ignore it? Am I ignoring it too? Are you?

The dictionary defines deliberate as studied, intentional and in my own words, ‘something that was planned for, not left to chance or happenstance’. Process is defined as a series of actions or steps taken to achieve an end. Note series, note steps, note the implication of continuity… that’s what process is. A deliberate process is one that is well thought out, planned for and studiously implemented. A deliberate process is consistent, continuous, and persistent.

Have we been training our children deliberately? Or are they just growing on food and air, like weeds with no boundaries? Is there a vision for where they are headed? Are there plans in place? Are those plans God’s plans or my plans? Have the plans been well thought out, prayed over? Is there a budget for those plans? Have we consciously allocated resources to achieving these plans? Do we consistently and continuously check that they are within the plan? Do we persistently mirror God’s personality to them so they can copy us? Are we suitable mentors for our children? Are they priority amidst the myriad of plans jostling for attention in our minds?

A wise son makes a glad father and a foolish son is a grief to his father, the scriptures say. O that our sons and daughters would grow up wise I pray.  But a proper child doesn’t just happen, the deliberateness of training a child is what makes for great parenting. 

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT

Life happens to all of us. There’s times we cry, times we laugh, we mourn, we rejoice, we dance, we celebrate. Like it says in the bible, there is a time for everything and a season for every purpose under heaven.

Pastor Mo preached a message one Sunday that’s got me thinking since then. HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT. He said ‘Jesus learnt obedience by the things He suffered (well, he said ‘enjoyed’ to trick us and we all yelled back – ‘suffered’).

We know the scriptures. I even know Paul’s prayer in Philippians 3 verse 10 where he said ‘that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his suffering…’ Looking at this scripture, I realized that I have prayed, many times, to know the power of His resurrection, but I’ve never thought of the fellowship of His suffering, until that Sunday’s message. Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for suffering. I am just pondering….

Why do bad things happen to good people? There are many bad people out there, why don’t bad things happen to bad people and good things to good people?

Once, a friend of mine lost her husband and we went to comfort her. She is a good woman; her husband was a good man. They both loved the Lord. Why did he die and so young. We had another friend with us that day. She was married to a monster of a man who beat her black and blue whenever he fancied. And she wondered out loud ‘why is my horrible monster of a husband still alive when this good man is dead?’ That’s life.

I met a friend a few days back. His wife died a year and a half ago. And I started to ask him how he’s been. He said the entire experience was such a shock. At times, his heart would hurt so much he feared it would physically break

‘How did you cope’, I asked

‘My dear, there’s no manual to teach you to cope, you just wake up every day and live. That’s life’.

Over a year ago, a friend of mine had to bury her 1 week old child and asked me to go with her.  I wept with her over the very brief life of such a pretty baby girl. We were Nigerians living in Paris at the time and knew at some point we would move back home. Part of her grief was ‘God would I leave my baby here’? I didn’t know what to say. After we buried that child and came out of the cemetery, the sun was shining, couples were kissing on the streets, and the city of love was alive. That’s life.

I have never been personally touched by grief so strong. I have only buried my grandparents and they lived to a disgustingly ripe old age. My grandfather at 80 had all his teeth intact and would struggle over pieces of chicken with us; my parents are alive and heading in that direction, my entire family intact. I have never had to deal with death or grave illness or extreme hunger or pain and depression. I have never known great loss or great need.

I have been sad many times, financially challenged, temporarily depressed, but in all these times I believed in God’s goodness and moved on. Whatever I didn’t have, I reckoned I didn’t need. I believe that my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory. I believe that the joy of the Lord is my strength; I believe that God is good. I sing His praises when I wake up in the morning for indeed He has been good to me. I am so blessed.

However, this is my pondering…

When life’s happenings stop at my doorstep – will I still sing His praises?

Will you?

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT

Life happens to all of us. There’s times we cry, times we laugh, we mourn, we rejoice, we dance, we celebrate. Like it says in the bible, there is a time for everything and a season for every purpose under heaven.

Pastor Mo preached a message one Sunday that’s got me thinking since then. HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT. He said ‘Jesus learnt obedience by the things He suffered (well, he said ‘enjoyed’ to trick us and we all yelled back – ‘suffered’).

We know the scriptures. I even know Paul’s prayer in Philippians 3 verse 10 where he said ‘that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his suffering…’ Looking at this scripture, I realized that I have prayed, many times, to know the power of His resurrection, but I’ve never thought of the fellowship of His suffering, until that Sunday’s message. Don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for suffering. I am just pondering….

Why do bad things happen to good people? There are many bad people out there, why don’t bad things happen to bad people and good things to good people?

Once, a friend of mine lost her husband and we went to comfort her. She is a good woman; her husband was a good man. They both loved the Lord. Why did he die and so young. We had another friend with us that day. She was married to a monster of a man who beat her black and blue whenever he fancied. And she wondered out loud ‘why is my horrible monster of a husband still alive when this good man is dead?’ That’s life.

I met a friend a few days back. His wife died a year and a half ago. And I started to ask him how he’s been. He said the entire experience was such a shock. At times, his heart would hurt so much he feared it would physically break

‘How did you cope’, I asked

‘My dear, there’s no manual to teach you to cope, you just wake up every day and live. That’s life’.

Over a year ago, a friend of mine had to bury her 1 week old child and asked me to go with her.  I wept with her over the very brief life of such a pretty baby girl. We were Nigerians living in Paris at the time and knew at some point we would move back home. Part of her grief was ‘God would I leave my baby here’? I didn’t know what to say. After we buried that child and came out of the cemetery, the sun was shining, couples were kissing on the streets, and the city of love was alive. That’s life.

I have never been personally touched by grief so strong. I have only buried my grandparents and they lived to a disgustingly ripe old age. My grandfather at 80 had all his teeth intact and would struggle over pieces of chicken with us; my parents are alive and heading in that direction, my entire family intact. I have never had to deal with death or grave illness or extreme hunger or pain and depression. I have never known great loss or great need.

I have been sad many times, financially challenged, temporarily depressed, but in all these times I believed in God’s goodness and moved on. Whatever I didn’t have, I reckoned I didn’t need. I believe that my God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory. I believe that the joy of the Lord is my strength; I believe that God is good. I sing His praises when I wake up in the morning for indeed He has been good to me. I am so blessed.

However, this is my pondering…

When life’s happenings stop at my doorstep – will I still sing His praises?

Will you?

Incredible Joy Cometh!

Incredible Joy Cometh

I'm wondering why there seems to be such a high level of despondency in the church today. Has it always been like this or am I only just becoming aware of it? Is it the realisation of my own despair that brings me recognition of such a debilitating spirit, or could it be the nudging of God's Spirit giving me unction to expose this traitor that's feeling so at home in our midst?

All I've heard in recent times are sighs of disappointment and cries of pain. Everywhere I turn someone seems to be battling confusion, betrayal and hurt.  I am not an exception, much as I'd love to be, sometimes I do not know where the strength comes from to believe God for just one more day....I hear midnight cries that grip my spirit in such sadness, I wake up in tears wondering if I cried out from my own pain or someone else's. And so I wonder at the times and seasons in which we live.

Where did this despair come from? Who let it into my home, my heart? How did it manage to permeate my life and clothe me in lethargy so strong that I find myself unable, unwilling even to do anything about the havoc it's wreaking in my life? How did I get to this point where I have lost hope, it seems like my dreams are gone... When did this happen?

What exactly is despair?

The dictionary defines despair as the loss of hope, hopelessness. The spirit that causes us to lose hope is the spirit of despair; the spirit that tells us not to bother any more, it encourages us to give up. It starts by saying 'God is great, yes God can do it, but will He do it for you?' It cunningly graduates to the point where it says 'don't bother anymore - answer to prayer? No, not going to happen!’

We hear that continually...

While we wait and wait for God to come through…

And as wait and wait, we gradually lose hope....

Until the misery of lost hope leads to despondency and progresses to depression and then to the point where immobility sets in; spiritually, physically and mentally!

Should we just allow it destroy us as we wallow in misery each day? Shouldn't we fight back if only with the last breath we have?

 

What exactly can we do?

First of all, recognise it for what it is. It is not an emotion or just a feeling like we've been told many times before. It is a destructive, oppressive spirit from hell sent to derail our destiny. If we continue to see it as mood swings, then we are no different from an unarmed soldier thrust into the battle field, unequipped and unprepared for war!

Secondly understand that it is either you or it. If you let it be, then it takes you down! Fight!! Equip yourselves for war, for the weapons of our warfare are mighty through God! Many people oppressed by this spirit can barely fight, the lethargy that accompanies it, often clings like second skin. But hear me, if you can cry - then cry out for help. Some battles are not meant to be fought alone.

Growing up I engaged in enough street fights and took quite a few beatings to understand that when faced with some tough strong opponents, the best strategy would be to run home and come back with reinforcements. I had enough brothers and sisters to build a mini army and fully took advantage of that. So child of God, run home - get help! David faced many times of despair and cried 'why are you cast down O my soul, why disquieted within me?' Don't keep quiet, don't hide and nurse fear or pain. Cry out! Your father has enough children to build a mega army and we need to band together and fight!

And finally, count your blessings! The devil is such a liar!! Look around you and see the things God has done. How He has redeemed your life from the pit and how He has cleansed you and healed all your diseases. Count them all, name them one by one. What then is left in your life for God to do that He will not do? Last I checked He is still God, He hasn't resigned, retired or fallen asleep. He will come through for you.

Listen: incredible joy cometh! And I know this because the break of dawn is right by the darkest night and dawn brings singing and dancing with it! So do not stop short now, rouse yourself and defend the hope that Christ has deposited in you. Don't you know that Christ in you is the hope of glory?! We have hope that the latter shall surely be greater than the former because Christ is in us. That hope must never die! The bible says that we are born into a living hope through the resurrection of Christ Jesus from the dead. Our hope in God is as alive as we believe that Jesus lives!

Get up! Hope in God for I shall yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God. Morning is right around the corner, incredible joy cometh!

ID, May 2012.

Death & I

I have been struggling with death for a while now. No, I am not dying anytime soon. I am not plagued by any ailment - major or minor, fear not. This is not my last letter to you or anything close. I've just realized that I have not died ...yet. Jesus said "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds", John 12 verse 24. Except a seed falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone - just a seed, of no productive benefit to itself or anyone. A seed on earth without purpose. A seed without a mission or vision, unproductive. I had thought a long time ago, that I had died, in fact when the scripture says that my old man had died, I believed it to be so, but suddenly, I see that old man rearing its head, having a voice, exercising control over me, taking decisions, actions, plotting, planning, accomplishing many things that ought not to be imagined much less accomplished. I'll give you examples: I find that I hear and know the voice of God, His counsel for me even in minute day to day stuff. Do I do it? No. My flesh is so strong, it is such a battle. My will struggles with the will of God every day. God says ‘fast today’. My belly says no way, tomorrow Lord, today is pancake day! God says ‘wait on me today, worship me’. My inquisitive mind wants to be in front of the television seeking to know if Michael Jackson was murdered, if there’s a war on in Africa, anything! God says ‘my kingdom needs the money in your account’. My needs cry out, shoes, bags clothes, Lord this is Lagos! God says ‘read my word, study the bible’. I again cry out, Lord, I have deadlines at work still not met. I need to finish the new Genevieve magazine, just a minute Lord and I’ll study the word! Oh, the lust of the flesh…. I look around me and in this city, everybody is somebody. If you haven’t got it, beg, borrow steal. Just be! Fake it! Its not lying, it’s a new business word called ‘posturing’. To play that role, I have got to look the part. I covet everything around me, including people!. If I see a well dressed successful lady, I want to be her. After all I can do her job better than she does it, matters not if she’s a doctor or a designer. I can be a better her. If I hear a revolutionary word preached in church, I want to be the preacher. After all, God speaks to me as well. I can have a 10,000 man congregation too. I want to drive the best cars, live within the Lagos Island zip code, be on first name terms with the movers and shakers of the city. In fact I want to be the mover and shaker of the city. Oh, the lust of the eyes…. Suddenly, I think I should be respected based on where I work, how I look, where I live and who I know. I place myself higher than everyone else. Some people, I don’t even bother to associate with. Surely, they are beneath me. I choose my friends with care. I must be seen and associated with the right crowd. Please define your job and your level at your work. No plebbs allowed in my circle of friends, oh don’t forget your zip code. What kind of car do you drive? Where do you go for summer? You must wear only designer labels to swing with me. I lash out at people who do not address me properly. Don’t you know who I am? So all of a sudden, I am consumed by a need for recognition based on what I know not. I haven’t accomplished anything new, great or outstanding. Just applaud me. I’m the one to know and be around. Oh the pride of life…. A dead man is no longer concerned with the affairs of this world. 1 John 2: 17 says, the world and its desires will pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever. Our concerns should then shift to another kingdom. We should focus on the affairs of the new Jerusalem where the spirits of just men are being made perfect. And so like Apostle Paul, I die daily, trusting God that everyday as I put myself under His control, He will deliver me from this body of sin and death. Oh, the joy of doing His will! Examine yourself then, are you dead?

Facing Forward

Facing Forward The bible says ‘to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven... a time to keep and a time to throw away...’ In the past, I had always thought that particular bit just meant that there was a time you held on to some personal property and then threw them away later. Today I see that very differently; I see it as speaking of an evolution of the seasons in which we live our lives – as seasons change, what do I keep? What do I throw away? We are currently living at the precipice of incredible, inexorable change. This change will affect every aspect of our lives – who we are, what we believe and how we do things. This change is the inevitability of the World Wide Web (www) and its attendant effect on our lifestyles. The www has been here for a long time now, so why am I only just writing about it? I guess because everywhere I turned this weekend, I heard something about how it affects our children’s lives and being a parent I can no longer ignore it. This weekend alone, I’ve been bombarded with talks and thoughts of the effect of the internet on children; on Saturday a professor in college talked about our inability to communicate with our children because we lack understanding of the communicative tools that are available to them, while we want to pull them back into the traditional methods of learning we are used to, they are desperately leaning ahead to grasp everything the www can offer. On Sunday, every parent in church was at the edge of their seats as we watched an ex Satanist priest explain how they use the internet and music to capture the hearts and influence lives of very young children. One good, one bad – two sides of the www. This whole e-world thing is scary; there’s an entirely new virtual world out there that mirrors the world I can see and touch. I’m definitely not the only parent who came out of church hushed, afraid even. This world of e-mails, e-learning, e-books, e-chats, e-friends… perhaps e-parents? Where did the simplicity of the life I grew up in go? Remember when there were no debit cards? When you paid cash for everything you bought or wrote a credit note? Not a plastic card in your wallet that can at the touch of a button produce money in different currencies depending on your location. Or how when you took pictures, you had to wait 2 weeks for the films to be processed? Not the instant images waxed and polished to make you look like your dream and not your reality. Pictures you can show off to the public just by uploading, or downloading? Do you remember that the only way to see loved ones was to travel miles? Or queue at NITEL for hours to book a phone call? Now SIM cards are free, handsets are affordable, there’s also webcams and Skype. Business meetings where huge deals and alliances are concluded are held in virtual offices – with parties miles and miles away from each other. First we rejoiced when we got the desk tops, then laptops, then notebooks – now there are netbooks, notepads, ipads, kindles, blackberries, androids… each one getting smaller, better, cheaper, more available, more there! Charles Darwin I think was the one who said “it is not the strongest nor the most intelligent who will survive but those who can best manage change” So as a concerned mum, having seen both sides of the www – how do I manage this change? How can I raise my children in the face of such change and yet protect them from the negatives of the same change? Here are my options: 1. Ban them from it 2. Expose them to it I really do not think there is a middle ground. I think that each decision has far reaching consequences and you know what?, I think what I really need to do is find strategies to manage the effect of the consequences of whatever route I go. So if I ban them I fear that they may not function effectively in tomorrow’s world, no matter how expensive an education I can afford to buy them. Who would use a surgeon that cannot utilise modern methods of surgery and attendant surgical tools? So if I expose them I fear that they may be professionally equipped but spiritually and morally bereft. This to me is a fate worse than death, but one I can counteract perhaps? Despite my fears, I’m thinking this is the better route and I’m coming up with strategies to deal with the consequences: • First, I wake myself up. There’s no point swimming against the tide. This ‘new way of life’ is here to stay. So I’m going to stop resisting its pull and plunge in. • Secondly, I’m getting educated. I want to know what it’s all about; I’m going to learn as much as I can, I’m not going to have a glazed look anymore when I hear ‘gigabytes’ or ‘cloud computing’ or any such thing. I’m going to find out for myself • I’m going to teach my children as much of it as I can. Luckily they are at the age where I can still be teacher. Age appropriately, I’m going to show them the coin – the good, the bad and I’m going to teach them the consequences of each side. • I’m also going to pray very hard. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds; casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; and having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled (2 Corinthians 10: 4 – 6). • I’m going to consistently teach them God’s word – we will read it, memorise it, study it and let it reproduce itself in our decisions and actions. I believe that the word is more spirit than letter and I trust the spirit of the word to bring transformation in their lives and to lead then ultimately to God’s plan for them. • Finally, I’m going to be a parent! I’m going to stand guard over what goes into their lives from school, friends and the www! I’m going to keep a pulse on whatever is going on in their lives – this is my primary call. Allaying my fears and inhibitions, I’m embracing change facing forward. Good morning! ID OGUFERE, 022013

HONOURING GOD

Haggai chapter 1 (New Living Translation)
On August 29 of the 2nd year of King Darius’s reign, the Lord gave a message through the prophet Haggai to Zerubbabel son of Shealtiel, governor of Judah, and to Jeshua son of Jehozadak, the high priest.
This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: The people are saying, ‘The time has not yet come to rebuild the house of the Lord.’
Then the Lord sent this message through the prophet Haggai: “Why are you living in luxurious houses while my house lies in ruins? This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Look at what’s happening to you!
You have planted much but harvest little.
You eat but are not satisfied.
You drink but are still thirsty.
You put on clothes but cannot keep warm.
Your wages disappear as though you were putting them in pockets filled with holes!
This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Look at what’s happening to you! Now go up into the hills, bring down timber, and rebuild my house. Then I will take pleasure in it and be honored, says the Lord.
You hoped for rich harvests, but they were poor. And when you brought your harvest home, I blew it away. Why?
Because my house lies in ruins, says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, while all of you are busy building your own fine houses. It’s because of you that the heavens withhold the dew and the earth produces no crops. I have called for a drought on your fields and hills—a drought to wither the grain and grapes and olive trees and all your other crops, a drought to starve you and your livestock and to ruin everything you have worked so hard to get.
This scripture uncannily describes my life to date; my financial situation. I work so hard and still don’t have much to show for it. I am so intelligent, consistently top of any class I’m in and yet I do not see the effect of that intelligence in my status in life. I’m constantly trying to keep up, measure up, try harder and yet, I’m so far off my peers and I wonder why life is so unfair…
On one hand, I am dumbfounded by what I read in Haggai, but clear headed on the other. My first question was ‘Lord why would YOU be the one blowing away my harvest? Why would YOU call a drought to ruin everything I have worked so hard to get?’
It’s hard for me to understand that my present situation is orchestrated by God and not by the demons I keep binding daily nor by my failure to prophesy riches and wealth into my life.
On the other hand, I realize that in deciding to follow after the Lord, I walk a different pathway and I'm measured by a different yardstick. My measure demands that I honour Him and for Him honour involves complete worship; the singing and raising up of holy hands, the praying, the bible study, the fellowship and yes, the giving to Him the first fruits of my labour. See how He says it in verse 8 ‘Now go up into the hills, bring down timber, and rebuild my house. Then I will take pleasure in it and be honored, says the Lord.
I’m wondering why God has not been honoured so far in my giving for yes, I think I have been giving and yet He blew my harvest away. Where is the disconnect?
In Malachi 1 verses 6 – 14 (please read the entire scripture, for I present fragments of it here), God reiterates the importance of His honour relative to our giving, but much more than giving, for He is not in need of anything, He seeks a giver who puts Him first above and beyond their personal needs.
‘a son honours his father and a servant his master. If I am a father, where is the honour due me? If I am a master where is the respect due me? Says the Lord Almighty…
You place defiled food on my altar. When you bring blind animals for sacrifice is that not wrong? When you sacrifice crippled or diseased animals is that not wrong? Try offering them to your governor! Would he be pleased with you? Would he accept you?
How often these days do we give God the dregs of our lives and our substances. Often, when we are spent, we look for that which no one wants and give the reject to the Lord. That’s the crippled and blind animal. We dishonor God in our hearts even before we bring the offering, for if we honoured Him or had any regard for Him, we would give to Him first. That’s the honour God seeks. He wants to be first – the priority in our service, our worship and our substance.
In verse 14 he says ‘cursed is the cheat who has an acceptable male in His flock and vows to give it but then sacrifices a blemished animal to the Lord. For I am a great King says the Lord Almighty and my name is to be feared among the nations…
How many times have we made vows to the Lord and suspend those vows when our needs press on us? And yes our needs are important no doubt – we need to pay rent, school fees, medical bills, new clothes, a holiday abroad, jewelry, invest in businesses, stock markets, treasury bills and bonds. These and more are all legitimate human needs; still God seeks to be first. How can we continue living in luxurious houses, upgrading our lives while God’s house and indeed his business take a back seat? If only we would receive the revelation, the courage to put Him first, to go up into the hills, bring down timber, and rebuild His house so that He may take pleasure in it and be honored, then we will see how He blesses and provides for us in every way.
Then we will plant and harvest bountifully.
We will eat and be satisfied.
We will drink and quench our thirst.
We will put on clothes and find warmth in them.
Our wages will no longer disappear and everything we work for He will multiply.

Just Honour God.

THE LORD'S TROUBLES

Before I got saved, I heard about the love of God. I heard how He loved us so much; He gave His only son as a sacrifice for our sins. I heard how great that love was such that if I was the only sinner on earth, He would still have sent His son to die in my place. I heard that if I asked anything in His name, He would give me and if I sinned at anytime, He would be faithful and just to forgive my sins. This is all true. I know more than most the abundance of God’s love, His tender mercies, His compassion and faithfulness.

But after he has wooed you (and me) and groomed you (and me), then what? Would I continue to sin so that grace would continue to abound? Would I continue to ask and receive and never give anything back?

And then as I got to know Him better, I started to face challenges, struggles and unanswered prayers. That was when I read about the Lord’s trouble. Do you remember the story of the exodus of God’s children from Egypt to the Promised Land? Did you read Exodus chapter 5? Did you see that even after Moses had obeyed God and relayed His message to Pharaoh, the children of Israel were subjected to more hardship rather than the deliverance they had cried to Him for. This is what Moses said to the Lord in verses 22 & 23: Lord why have you brought trouble on this people? Why is it you have sent me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people; neither have you delivered your people at all!!!

Before Moses spoke to Pharaoh, the children of Israel were crying under great hardship and bondage. They were calling to God for deliverance. After Moses spoke to Pharaoh, the children of Israel faced even tougher times. More hardship and I guess, they cried more, but eventually the deliverance came. If it was deliverance they wanted and cried to God for why then did they have to pass through more hardship to get there?

Did you read Paul’s own story? Read 2 Corinthians 11 verses 23 – 27: Are they servants of Christ? I know I sound like a madman, but I have served him far more! I have worked harder, been put in prison more often, been whipped times without number, and faced death again and again. Five different times the Jewish leaders gave me thirty-nine lashes. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked. Once I spent a whole night and a day adrift at sea. I have travelled on many long journeys. I have faced danger from rivers and from robbers. I have faced danger from my own people, the Jews, as well as from the Gentiles. I have faced danger in the cities, in the deserts, and on the seas. And I have faced danger from men who claim to be believers but are not. I have worked hard and long, enduring many sleepless nights. I have been hungry and thirsty and have often gone without food. I have shivered in the cold, without enough clothing to keep me warm.

Trust me, Paul the learned fellow before he met Jesus Christ did not go through any of this. But what keeps him going? The knowledge that we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.

This is just a part of the big picture and I am privileged to play a part in it. I try to look beyond my selfishness and see that it’s all about Him for He must display His glory and that glory must cover the earth as the waters cover the sea. If He chooses to use me in anyway, to display that glory, then I am truly honoured, and only then - truly alive.

Like Paul, I’m learning to say: We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Life continues to be a battle-ground, but the Lord’s troubles bring victory. Ask the children of Israel. Pharaoh let them go! He chased them out bearing the riches of his land.

ID Ogufere, March 2010

MY TRIBUTE TO TAYO ADERINOKUN

I met Tayo Aderinokun for the very first time in January 1995. I was in a borrowed cream linen suit waiting to be interviewed by Guaranty Trust Bank’s Deputy Managing Director. In preparing for the interview, I tried to find all I could about the bank, about its founders and hoped I would do well enough to get the job. When I eventually got a chance to meet him, he was a mere mortal; his voice was quiet and tinged with a softness that belied his authority, position and strength of character. He only asked one question which to this day I’m not sure I answered satisfactorily, but I got the job and was posted to their Port Harcourt branch.
Working in Port Harcourt did not afford me the opportunity to interact with the executive management on a day to day basis, but the bank was small at the time and we all knew and interacted with one another via carefully orchestrated meetings and get-togethers. I vividly remember one time Tayo (Uncle T) as we all called him came to visit the Port Harcourt office. I was quite busy that day running around more than usual perhaps to impress upon him what a good hardworking staff I was. Surprisingly, at some point he came over to my desk to ask if I ever took a break. We got talking and discovered a shared love for books which led to a firm enduring friendship.
Thereafter, whenever I was in the Lagos office, I would visit his office and leave with an armload of books on all topics. After seeing his library, I formed the habit of buying books for myself as well. Our interests covered a wide range of topics from poetry to drama, politics and history. Nothing was left out, if it was printed we wanted to read it.
As I got to know him better, I discovered that Uncle T loved chocolates but alas that was a passion I did not share. Whenever I thought of sending him a gift to say thank you for the kindness he often shared, a box of chocolates always came in handy.
I learnt many things from Uncle T; I learnt to read, to write and to appreciate art and literature. I learnt to be myself and be comfortable in my own skin – Uncle T didn’t think twice about settling down to eat ‘boli and groundnut’ if that was what he felt like eating. It didn’t matter that the bank had quadrupled in size, he was so comfortable being himself.
I learnt from him what it meant to be a faithful friend; when I took my problems to him, he didn’t mince words telling me where I had gone wrong or hold back on scolding, but that done he always put out his resources to help in any way he could. At some point, I thought I was some special person and the only recipient of Tayo’s kindness, but it didn’t take long to realize that Uncle T had so many special people, his knack for making each one of us feel we were the only ones was just his brand.
I learnt to be thorough in doing my work and to be organized, ensuring each day that I left my desk clean. I didn’t want him to hear negative reports about me and my escapades in Port Harcourt and even if he did, I wanted him to see that I had done my best.
He was my mentor in many ways; teaching and constantly encouraging me to do the very best I could. His methods were not always appreciated but his intentions were always good. He was my brother; beyond work he got to know my husband and children, noting and celebrating each new addition to the family. He was my friend; sometimes just for laughs we would sit through his ribald jokes and share ours as well.
Today, I celebrate the privilege of meeting him and the gift of knowing him and being a part of his world.
Tayo, adieu. We miss you.

MY EARLY MORNING ENCOUNTER

A few days back, I asked participants at a training programme to appraise each other on certain variables, one of which was Integrity. This process elicited an argument which we debated for a few minutes and thereafter got me thinking. Some people felt that Integrity could not be put on a spectrum of 1 to 10; they argue that you either had it or didn’t which meant you scored 10 or zero. The other camp felt that Integrity of an individual or institution could be measured year on year, for instance you could score 6 this year and hopefully next year get better and score 8. Which do you think is right?
What exactly is Integrity? Simply put, the dictionary defines it as honesty. Going further, Wikipedia says “The word integrity stems from the Latin adjective ‘integer’ which means whole or complete. In this context, integrity is an inner sense of wholeness deriving from qualities such as honesty and consistency of character. As such one may judge that others have integrity to the extent that they act according to the values, beliefs and principles they claim to hold.”
So judge yourself. Do you have integrity? Is it a zero or a 10 or would you rate yourself a 4, 5 or 6 in the hope of increasing it to 7 next year?
I’m sitting here this morning with a man called Jephthah. I had heard of him several times in the past but we met this morning at Judges 11. Jephthah is an extremely interesting and very rugged man. He has such a colourful and dramatic past, the kind of which soap operas are made of. Definitely not the kind of man that on face value you would appraise a 10 on integrity or even a 7 or 5, but his story surprised me.
He told me that he was born by a harlot to Gilead and because of his bastardry; his brothers threw him out of their father’s house saying ‘you have no portion in our father’s house’. When he left his father’s house he became, in today’s parlance, – an area boy, for he joined a band of worthless men that terrorized the neighbourhood. He said that when the Ammonites started to make war against the Israelites, the very same brothers who had thrown him out came looking for him to lead the army that would fight for them. He was very angry when they came, perhaps at the time he should have killed them all, but sentiments aside, he saw this as an opportunity to not only inherit from his father’s house but to inherit from all of Israel also. It was on that premise that he agreed to fight for them if they would make him their leader; him, Jephthah, the harlot’s son.
He wanted this reversal of roles so badly, but he wasn’t sure he could defeat the Ammonites. Then he remembered One who could; One who had defeated them time and time again and that’s when He cut a deal with the One. He said, ‘Lord if you would deliver the people of Ammon into my hands then whatever comes out of the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the people of Ammon shall surely be the Lord’s, and I will offer it up as a burnt offering.’ What a deal!
He told me how God kept his side of the deal; the battle was fierce and bloody but God fought valiantly for him that day and gave him victory. On his return home, guess who the ‘first whatever’ was out his door? At this point, he paused, reminiscing… His eyes filled with tears and I could see that thousands of years later, he still remembered the pain of such a bitter sweet victory.
‘Should I not have won the war? Should I have gone back to my brothers even in victory and abdicated my right to lead Israel? The ‘first whatever’ that had come to greet me was too priceless for me to keep my word, my own side of the deal. I had thought my servant would come to welcome me or perhaps my dog would race ahead of everyone out that door to greet a beloved master long gone. But it was my beautiful daughter who came out; singing and dancing, rejoicing at my victory. She was my only child and besides her, I had neither son nor daughter.’
I was almost falling off my seat trying to hear what he did then, this king of the area boys. Did he snatch her and run away back to the land of Tob. Could he have hidden her somewhere where the Lord would not find her? ‘What did you do Jephthah?’ I asked impatiently.
“I cried. Oh how I cried. But I had to give her up. ‘For I have given my word to the Lord and I cannot go back on it’. Judges 11 verse 35b.
I’m still sitting here with Jephthah speechless. There are many questions running through my mind but I am too afraid to ask them. I wanted to ask him where he found the strength of character to keep his word. I wanted to ask how he offered up his daughter to the Lord. Did God stop him at some point after testing his heart like he did for Abraham? Hmmh! I cannot speak.
I sense God here with us, Jephthah and me, as he shares his experiences and how his story was changed forever. I want to ask God also to read my heart and answer the questions I am too afraid to voice, but again I am too scared to speak. But He leaves me with a word anyway…
…Lord who shall abide in Your tabernacle? Who may dwell in Your holy hill?
…he who swears to his own hurt and does not change… (Psalm 15 verse 4b).

MY DREAM OF MANY CHILDREN

Scene 1 Act 1
I grew up in a really large family and longing for a large family of my own. I dreamt I would have 6 lovely children; 3 boys and 3 girls called (in order of birth) – Ethan, Siphra, Ezekiel (which we would shorten to Ziggy), Lael, Ebenezer and Abigail. Before you ask, these are all Hebrew names with prophetic meanings and I prayerfully picked them to match the personality of each child I had envisioned in my dreams. Mind you, this was before His Royal Husbandness (HRH) showed up.
Scene 1 Act 2
So after much prayer and considerations, here comes HRH. Along with him came sweaty palms, thumping heart and butterflies in my tummy. I was in love and very near the fulfillment of my childhood dreams; HRH, me and our lovely 6 children born one year after another. However, not very long into our relationship, he announced that he wanted just 1 child. ONE! Imagine that. One to my six! Who would I have and who wouldn’t I have? What would I do with the names? We fought over that until he finally conceded and said ‘well ok, two then’. ‘This is how dreams die’, I thought.
Scene 1 Act 3
So we had two. I juggled those names in my brain until I developed constant headaches. I would call the boy – Ethan Ezekiel Ebenezer and the girl - Siphra Lael Abigail. And amazingly and mercifully, number 3 came. But by then, even I was done. Enough! The three of them had the energies of a fully-fledged army that drained me (the commandant) every day. I didn’t want any more, I didn’t care about the names. In fact I didn’t even care if the ones I had had meaningful names or not. In my befuddled exhausted state, I resorted to calling them ‘hey u’ or ‘what’s your name sef’ or ‘who’s there’. I just wanted them to grow up quickly, be good responsible citizens and return me intact to my pre-motherhood phase (mentally if not physically); I never thought it would be this consuming having 3 not to talk of 6!
Scene 2 Act 1
So my very dear friend asks me to mind her kids for a week as she needs to travel urgently. They are aged 8 and 4, matching ages of my youngest 2. Finally, I am near that dream of long ago. I joyously take them home on Friday, planning all the things we would do over the weekend. For one week, I get to relive my childhood dream. I am even tempted to borrow my neighbour’s daughter so that the dream would be perfectly played out.
Scene 2 Act 2
It’s not working out the way I dreamt it! My bubble’s been burst. What was I expecting? I thought the perfect number would breed the perfect situation I had envisaged years ago. The new additions have only become recruits for my already energetic army. It’s the same old war times 2! More grumpiness, more whining, more fights over meals, toys and even me! More homework to check and more children to groom. I have become Supreme Court judge as I try to resolve the disputes, I face more accusations and was recently told this ‘It’s not fair, you always take sides with the girls, you don’t like boys!’ And bed times? Not a small feat – ‘Why?’, ‘I am not tired?’, ‘I can’t sleep’, ‘I am still hungry’….
The youngest 2 always find a reason to wake me up in the middle of the night; ‘I want water’ or ‘I want hot cocoa’. Last night it was the monster that was looking at them while they slept. I had to stand guard by the bed and chase the monster away!
And where is HRH in all of this? Thankfully, he’s been away otherwise if I dare complain, I would have heard it – nor be you want many children? So I am exhausted but enjoying this moment of mothering 5 young children, just one short of a dream of long ago. Tired as I am, I relish the fights, the full breakfast table, the prayer times when I get to hear everything that happened in their day and the amazing things they say to God.
Scene 2 Act 3
In a few days, my other children will be going back home. I really will miss them as I know mine will miss them too. The pace of activities will slow down somewhat but as long as I have my 3, I will remain supreme court judge and face whining and accusations (I still like girls!), I will check homework books still, I will groom little hands, heads and feet, I will be cried and jostled over and I will still be woken up in the middle of the night.
To think that I ever thought of having 6!
Final Scene & Act
Makes me think about God and His many children and our different issues….
Imagine His house!
Hmmh! I praise Him!